2024 Draft — Not That Drunk

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Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its review of the Not That Drunk 2024 rookie draft, and I am prepared to render judgment. Jeremy Peters — the man who has made more trades than some people have had hot meals — walks away with a B-minus, which is exactly the grade you'd expect from someone who panic-reached a full seven slots early on that 2.11 pick and somehow thought no one would notice. The 4.04 is the saving grace here: twelve slots of pure, uncut value, the kind of steal that makes Roger… moderately impressed, which is more than he gives most of you. The 4.02 reach — fourteen goddamn slots — is the type of move that gets you a strongly-worded letter from the league office and a long look in the mirror. Per Article 11, Section 3(c)(ii) of the Dynasty Operations Manual, a B-minus is not a failing grade, but in a league where Jeremy's burning trades like campfire kindling, he's going to need those later picks to develop fast… or at least faster than his judgment did on day two of this draft.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its formal post-mortem review of the Not That Drunk 2024 rookie draft class, and the verdict is — fine. Just fine. Jeremy Peters, the most trade-happy bastard in this league, somehow sat on his hands long enough to accumulate five picks and walked away with a B-minus, which is frankly better than his average finish suggests he deserves. The crown jewel here is Isaac Guerendo — snagged at 4.08 like he was an afterthought, composite of 70, performance score of 76 — a late-round dart that actually hit something other than the wall. The low point, per the official record, is Ben Sinnott: looked promising on draft day, performance score of 55 says he's been about as electric as a Packers playoff run… which, per Article 11, Section 3(c), is not a compliment. Jalen McMillan also turned in a 47 performance score, which the league office is choosing not to dwell on for reasons of professional courtesy. On further review, 18 career trades and this is the draft class Jeremy is most proud of — Roger isn't entirely sure what that says, but it probably says something.