2025 Draft — Smokin' Stogies

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Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its formal review of the Smokin' Stogies' 2025 rookie draft class, and after consulting with three independent scouts, one very good bartender, and my own conscience — we are prepared to issue a grade of C, which is generous and Brad should know it. The Shedeur Sanders pick at 2.06 is, per Article 11, Section 3(f), the single largest reach this office has processed without issuing a formal inquiry — twenty-eight slots ahead of consensus, Brad, on a quarterback whose NFL landing spot we are all still squinting at — and the Stogie King has bet the second round on vibes and a famous last name. Trevor Etienne at 4.07 is the one moment where Brad looked like he knew something the rest of the room didn't, six slots of genuine value, a real running back taken at a real price, and frankly it's the only pick here that doesn't make the league office reach for another old-fashioned. Kyle Monangai at 4.12 is — twenty-six slots, Brad — look, Roger isn't here to be cruel, but that is two reaches in the same draft class that could charitably be described as aggressive and less charitably described as what happens when you stop checking your cheat sheet after round three. The league office wishes Smokin' Stogies well, reminds Brad that cigars do not improve draft capital, and will be watching this class very, very closely.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its exhaustive forensic review of the Smokin' Stogies' 2025 rookie draft class — and the verdict, after consulting three separate subcommittees and frankly too many old-fashioneds, is: fine. Just fine. Per Article 11, Section 6(d)(ii) of the dynasty grading bylaws, a C+ composite is the official grade for "showed up, did some things, inspired no one." The single bright spot — and Roger will give credit where it is due — was Oronde Gadsden, a fourth-round tight end pick who quietly outperformed his draft slot and earned the best composite in the class. A forgotten man on draft day who actually delivered. Cigar Champ stumbles into value; noted. Meanwhile, Shedeur Sanders at 2.06 carries the ignominious distinction of worst composite in the class — a second-round investment in a quarterback whose performance score barely cleared the bar, suggesting that Brad may have drafted the idea of Shedeur Sanders more than Shedeur Sanders himself. Monangai quietly outperformed his draft-day price tag too, which is the kind of thing that almost makes this draft look shrewd — but Trevor Etienne's performance cratering below his cost keeps this firmly in C+ territory, where dreams go to become acceptable. Final ruling: Smokin' Stogies drafted a cigar that smelled great in the humidor and burned a little uneven. The league office has reviewed the footage. We're moving on.