Smokin' Stogies

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its exhaustive forensic review of the Smokin' Stogies' 2025 rookie draft class — and the verdict, after consulting three separate subcommittees and frankly too many old-fashioneds, is: fine. Just fine. Per Article 11, Section 6(d)(ii) of the dynasty grading bylaws, a C+ composite is the official grade for "showed up, did some things, inspired no one." The single bright spot — and Roger will give credit where it is due — was Oronde Gadsden, a fourth-round tight end pick who quietly outperformed his draft slot and earned the best composite in the class. A forgotten man on draft day who actually delivered. Cigar Champ stumbles into value; noted. Meanwhile, Shedeur Sanders at 2.06 carries the ignominious distinction of worst composite in the class — a second-round investment in a quarterback whose performance score barely cleared the bar, suggesting that Brad may have drafted the idea of Shedeur Sanders more than Shedeur Sanders himself. Monangai quietly outperformed his draft-day price tag too, which is the kind of thing that almost makes this draft look shrewd — but Trevor Etienne's performance cratering below his cost keeps this firmly in C+ territory, where dreams go to become acceptable. Final ruling: Smokin' Stogies drafted a cigar that smelled great in the humidor and burned a little uneven. The league office has reviewed the footage. We're moving on.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its post-mortem review of the Smokin' Stogies' 2024 rookie draft class, and Roger is prepared to render a formal verdict. The Cigar Champ's best investment was his 3.09 pick — a player nobody was screaming about on draft day who quietly outperformed his draft-day grade by twenty points, which is frankly more self-awareness than Brad shows at any point during the live draft. His 1.09 was solid, consistent, did what it said on the tin — a B all the way down, no surprises, no drama, the fantasy equivalent of a dependable mid-range stogie. The 3.10 and the 4.09, however, were… the league office has reviewed the tape extensively and concluded that "fine, I guess" is the most generous framing available. A composite grade of B-minus — 66.92, to be precise, per the official ledger — is the kind of draft class that doesn't get you fired but absolutely gets you side-eyed at the owners' meeting, and Roger is side-eyeing you right now, Brad.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its formal review of the Smokin' Stogies' 2023 rookie class — and the verdict is, frankly, the most "sure, fine, whatever" draft in recorded history. Quentin Johnston is the crown jewel here, a legitimate A-grade asset who made Brad look like a genius at 1.08; Roger tips his glass to that one. The rest of the class, however, is where things get deeply mediocre — Tyler Scott at 4.08 posted a composite of 44, which is the fantasy equivalent of ordering a fine bourbon and receiving a lukewarm Coors Light. Roschon Johnson showed a pulse, Israel Abanikanda showed approximately nothing, and the whole back half of this class aged like a stogie left in a hot car. Overall grade: B- — Brad got one right, and three wrong, which in this league still somehow qualifies as average. Don't @ me.