2025 Draft — Red N' Mellow

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Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its review of Red N' Mellow's 2025 rookie draft class, and I am prepared to issue my findings. Dan takes Ashton Jeanty at 1.01 — consensus three, used as a consensus one — and look, I understand the impulse, I do, but that is a reach Roger cannot simply ignore at the top of a dynasty draft... the the picks matter here. On the other end of things, Elijah Arroyo at 3.04 is a goddamn steal — ten slots of free value at tight end, which in dynasty is basically finding a twenty in a coat you forgot about. TeSlaa falling to the fourth is nice work too, though asking a B-grade receiver haul to carry Dan's perpetually mediocre ass to relevance feels optimistic. Per Article 11, Section 4(c)(ii) of the Official League By-Laws, a composite draft grade of 79.66 is hereby classified as "Promising But Dan." The league office awards Red N' Mellow a B, pours another old-fashioned in quiet solidarity, and moves on.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its official forensic review of the Red N' Mellow 2025 rookie class, and Roger is pleased to report that Dan Pratt — career 39% win rate, just putting that out there — somehow did not completely embarrass this franchise. Ashton Jeanty at 1.01 was the obvious call and Dan made it, composite 88, the crown jewel of this class and the one pick Roger will not roast him for. Tre Harris, however, posted a performance score of 54 against a draft-time grade of 73 — that delta is what the league office formally classifies as a bad time, and it drags this whole retrospective down to a B like a anchor tied to an otherwise decent report card. Isaac TeSlaa quietly went and earned his 78 composite like a man with something to prove, which Roger respects more than he expected to, honestly... *hic*... the bourbon just hit. Final verdict: B, 76.01 — above Dan's career average in almost every meaningful category, which, per Article 11, Section 3(d) of the league bylaws, obligates Roger to acknowledge competence even when it pains him.