2025 Draft — Rehab is for quitters

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Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its review of the Rehab is for Quitters rookie draft, and Roger has... thoughts. The 2.07 pick — taken a full fifteen slots ahead of consensus — is the kind of reach that makes the room go quiet and the GM go very quiet, and Brandon should be aware that the league office is watching. On the other hand, the 3.07 represents genuine value at nine slots of positive delta, which is the one moment tonight where Brandon looked like he knew what the hell he was doing. The 4.09 is another overpay — eleven slots of "I really wanted this guy and I refuse to wait" — which, combined with the top pick, suggests a draft strategy that can charitably be called aggressive and uncharitably called a shitshow. A C+ composite is the fantasy equivalent of a participation ribbon, and Per Article 11, Section 3(f), the league office formally notes that Rehab is for Quitters has more reaches than a drunk man grabbing for his keys… which, frankly, Roger respects on a personal level.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its annual review of the Rehab is for quitters draft portfolio — and after consulting with three fingers of bourbon and the official grading ledger, we are prepared to render judgment on Brandon Springer's 2025 class. Harold Fannin was the undisputed crown jewel — a B+ composite, drafted in the third round like some kind of clearance-rack miracle, and the man produced; per Article 11, Section 6(d), that is the kind of value that makes Roger feel things. On the other end of the ledger, Ollie Gordon is a C and frankly a C is being generous — a 45 draft-time grade on a guy who then posted a 55 performance score is the dynasty equivalent of paying Applebee's prices for Applebee's food. Cam Skattebo lands in the middle: undervalued at draft time, delivered more than expected, solid B- work from a man who was apparently sleeping in Brandon's lap for seven picks before anyone noticed him at 2.07. Net verdict: a B- class that probably feels better than it is because Fannin is doing the heavy lifting while Gordon quietly pretends none of this happened. The league office is cautiously optimistic, mildly suspicious, and has switched to a manhattan. Don't @ me.