2026 Draft — Designated Drinker

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After consulting with my draft analyst — a man named Whisky Ferguson who smells of pine tar and conviction — the league office is prepared to render its verdict on Designated Drinker's 2026 rookie haul: a solid, unspectacular, very Corey B. The reach on Eli Stowers at 1.09 is the kind of move that looks visionary or idiotic depending entirely on whether a tight end whose consensus says "wait until 12" has any business going three slots early — Roger is choosing to stay agnostic and hydrated on that one. The steal, however, is undeniable: Chris Brazzell II falling to the 21st slot when the board had him at 15 is the sort of gift you send a thank-you card for, and Corey, being the older and allegedly more mature Akers brother, had the good sense to grab him. Demond Claiborne at 3.09 is a one-slot reach that the league office is rounding to zero — that's not a reach, that's a rounding error, frankly. Brenen Thompson dropping eight slots to close the draft is a nice little dessert course for a man who apparently stockpiles young receivers the way he stockpiles flank steak from Costco. Final verdict: B. Competent. Controlled. The boring kind of good that wins leagues in year three and gives Collin something to hate.