2024 Draft — Brady's Out

→

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its review of the Brady's Out draft board, and I am prepared to render an official ruling… After consulting with our analytics department — and a second old-fashioned — Collin Akers walks out of this draft with a B, which is frankly better than his team name deserves. His 1.07 pick is the steal of the entire damn board: consensus three, sitting there at seven like nobody wanted him, and Collin scoops him up like he found a twenty in a coat pocket. Good value. Don't let it go to his head. The reach at 3.07 is where I have concerns — per Article 11, Section 3(c)(ii) of the league by-laws, taking a consensus 36 at pick 31 is technically legal but spiritually reckless, and the league office is watching. His 4.07 pick is a push — exactly where consensus had him, which means Collin did exactly zero work there, but fine, neutral isn't wrong. On the whole: two good picks, one meh, one reach — the classic Brady's Out draft, where the highs are real and something in the middle makes you wonder if he was distracted mourning a certain retired quarterback. Don't @ me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its formal post-mortem on the Brady's Out 2024 rookie class, and Roger is prepared to deliver his findings — as soon as he finishes this old-fashioned. Collin lands a composite B (72.07), which is the fantasy equivalent of a Patriots season after Brady left: technically functional, quietly depressing. The crown jewel is, of course, Drake Maye at 1.07 — a 96 composite, the single best pick in this draft class, and frankly the only reason we're not having a very different conversation tonight. Xavier Legette showed up, did a little something, and got a B, which is fine; Jaylen Wright scraped a B- on the back of actual performance outpacing his draft-day buzz, which Roger respects marginally. And then there's Jared Wiley — a C+ sitting on a 58 composite with no performance score yet, because tight ends in year one are apparently just an act of faith, and Collin's faith, as we all know, was fully allocated to a retired quarterback. Per Article 11, Section 3(d) of the league by-laws, Brady's Out is hereby recognized for drafting one transcendent pick and three shrugs — the league office has noted this officially, and Roger is switching to his second drink.