2023 Draft — Drunks doing drunk things because they're drunks

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Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has concluded its formal review of the Drunks doing drunk things because they're drunks rookie draft class, and we are prepared to render a verdict. Nate's 2.07 and 3.02 selections represent genuine value — both players fell to him, and frankly the rest of you should be embarrassed that he was sitting there at the podium collecting picks like they were complimentary drink tickets. However — and the league office must be clear on this — whoever is advising Nate on his 3.09 selection should be fired, escorted from the building, and never allowed near a draft board again; consensus rank 70, taken 37 slots early, is not a strategy, it is a cry for help. The 4.09 is fine, a mild overpay, the league office will allow it. A C+ composite tells you everything: two smart picks, one absolutely baffling reach, and Nate somewhere in the middle of all of it doing drunk things because he's a drunk. The league office will be monitoring this roster with a raised eyebrow and a freshly poured manhattan.

Ladies and gentlemen, the league office has completed its formal review of the Nate Panicucci 2023 rookie draft class — a class that, in the interest of transparency, Roger is being generous even calling a "class." Your second-rounder was the lone bright spot, a B- that suggests Nate accidentally stumbled into something useful, probably while reaching for another drink. The 3.09 pick is a D, which is not a grade so much as a formal document of failure — a player who came in with a 26 draft-time score, produced approximately nothing, and has since presumably changed his name to avoid being found. The other two picks sit in the C-minus-to-C-plus purgatory that is the hallmark of a man who does his draft research the same way he does everything else in this league: drunk. Per Article 11, Section 3(f) of the league by-laws, a composite class grade of 44.3 earns the official designation of "Well, You Showed Up" — which, honestly, is more than Roger can say for your 3.09. Don't @ me.